Have you ever realised, in a moment of random clarity, that the world is so big but your life is so small, but to you, your life is everything.

Your life makes the world what it is and what it will become.

That you may or may not be ahppy with your life.

That youre going to do something about it.

Have you ever felt so many emotions at once that you don’t feel anything and just can’t describe it.

Have you ever listened to a song or a peice of music and felt, that peice of music IS how you feel.

That’s what I’ve done tonight. I mean, I’ve done it before if I’m pissed off or really happy, but I had never found one for these feelings, and now I have.

I’m playing it over and over to see if it’ll help me distinguish between things in my mind.

I’m so happy with my life, even though I know some parts of it aren’t what I want or wont end how I want them too, but I know that they will make me do something different which will lead to a whole new chapter.

You’ll never have a perfect life, because perfection is impossible, and I’m so glad, it would be so boring, so uninteresting. What would I write about? What would I feel? What would I think?

Just knowing that imperfection can provide a feeling of  uncertainty and happiness is the best thing to know.

Living for now and planning for tomorrow, laughing at yesterday and regretting nothing.

Learning things, you never knew you never knew.

it’s grand.

It’s strange, there’s a chill in my room like there never has been before. There’s a depression leaning on me like I hoped there wouldn’t be, so soon into a brand new year.

I am optimistic about this year, no doubt about that, but when all the people I hold near and dear to me tell me theyre lonely, theyre stressed, theyre this and this and heaven knows. It’s difficult. I love my friends more than anything in this world, nothing will ever change that, and nothing will ever change the fact that I will always be there for them any way I possibly can, but I’ve put too much of other peoples weight on myself already. I’ve done it before, and I don’t like doing it, but if I don’t help or atleast try, I feel as though i’m a bad friend.

Why is everyone lonely? Why can’t the younger generation cherish freedom like I do anymore? Why can’t they be happy with having this choice. Relationships aren’t everything. Though I guess that’s just my opinion.

Typically enough, I hate men right now, I don’t want anything to do with one unless they are already my friend. But some people don’t seem to understand this, and some people need to realise how obnoxious, self centered and downright fucking creepy they are. Granted he will not read this, as he doesn’t know it exists, even if he does HERES A BIG FUCK OFF for him.

I want everyone to be ok and optimistic. I want everyone to be strong and have a fantastic year. I want everything to go right for once. But since when did I get what I want? Hell I wanted a cuddle from someone tonight an dI couldn’t have that, so never mind.

New years resolutions? Don’t get fucked around by anyone.

That’s it really. Go back to how I was before it got complicated.  Make the most of it

Anyway, if I manage to sleep before 5am it’ll be a miricale, so goodnight to you.

Happy new year.