I am a tired person.

Tired of this routine, this repetition, this dumb boring life I lead.

I want to know what it is I seem to have lost, where has my spark gone? My lust for life?

I cannot stand hearing the same things over and over again, I cannot stand the feeling that I’m fading into the background when I know I can shine through and be one of the stars.

Why do people have to mess me around and cause me grief I do not need!

Why can’t I fall in love again, or something nice like that? I feel like I am slowly drowning in this place and the one chance I get to escpae its clutches, I get really far, and then lose it.

I am not okay with waking up every morning knowing I have nothing to do all day because my job hasn’t phoned me yet. I am not okay with being told to get a job, when I have 2. I am not okay with people asking me about money all the time. I am not okay with looking in the mirror and being unhappy with the reflection, but not having the self control to do something about it. I am not okay with knowing I will probably waste away in this stupid town.

If I could just get on with my 2nd job already, or find some lovely man who’s lovely, or get a successful college audition, or come into a large sum of money. I think then i’d be ok.

I don’t like what’s happening to me.

I want it to stop.

I want the chances I know I wont get

I hate that I still can’t get this one person out of my head, and I know it’ll drive me mad one day.

I just want to cry. Break down completley and cry.