2007
Probably one of the toughest years so far. Things were lost, things were gained. Hearts were broken, and they may not yet be fixed, but they’re trying.
I started the year with Jim, and luckily ended the year with Jim. However much I thought I’d scare him away over the year ^^ I swear the man is insane to stay with me considering how unstable and angry I can get =]
The mock exams happened, i failed, miserably. However when i worked a little harder during study leave, to get into AY College, I got the grades and left the Floyd =( Which has upset me, more than some people might think. So I’ve become a college student and am doing alreet.
I had no holidays in 2007, which would explain a lot of pent up anger and stress and illness. I had no time to be away from everything that seemed to spiral downwards out of my control. So I suffer through it =]
I made new friends, which I never thought I would do. Crazy ^^ I gained and lost a job (not fired, the shop closed) and work experience! So I back to the old unemployed me. Yay?
Things from 2007 will always stay with me, I don’t know why, it was just an epic year full of so much happening so fast. So many changes I just can’t really believe it. I’m amazed that I’m still (slightly) sane.
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Started the year with nans funeral (never a good start)
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Failed my mocks
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Pissed around for my final time at the Floyd to make the most of it
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Did OK in my GCSES
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Summer Holidays, quite a bit without Jim who went on 2 holidays =(
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Jim then moved to Cambridge
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I went to visit and almost died =]
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Hit a really low patch towards the end of the year tbh
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I started Beauty Therapy
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I turned 17
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It was Christmas =D I got monies and Jim
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I learned a LOT about myself, but I’m still trying to avoid some points in my head =] For every-ones sake.
So we came to the end of the year, and began a new, still as confused as ever, still scared of what has happened, what might happen, and what inevitably will happen.
It’s so tiring being human.
Happy New Year.
Yet again.
Yes it is a Monday, but no one cares.
I just thought that i’d give a quick runthrough of previous weeks and give my current thoughts before I put it off any longer =D
I’ll start from the 3rd and do the days I can remember.
3rd: MY 17th BIRTHDAY! Got money and a Jim and went to zoo, pictures are up on MySpace. Fantastic day and thanks to Jim and everyone who wished me happy birthday =].
5th: Little emotional as it’s been a year since Wincey was put down.
The rest of it was college and I went swimming on the 9th.
This weekend – Friday Jim stayed. Got upset and yadadadadadadaa.
Saturday went to work, to the pub, to Marlow for Sylvias (Jims mum) birthday meal,which was delectable.
Sundeh- Spent it in bed with Jim, then on the sofa, fallign asleep on Jim.
Hopefully this week will go fast =D
My curent thoughts on life: ish ok, nothing special, but the special occasionas are getting me through, if taking all my money ^^. She is such a pathetic lowlife, it’s now funny, I hope one day she realises that she needs to stop trying to get sympathy or attention for her silly little life, and sort her head out and stay away. I’m enjoying college, the people not the work load. I’mma try and not get bogged down in my head again (or as often) so that I can try and not spoil days for people, that’s just selfish.
So yeah, everythings going well kinda =]
I’ll try and be kind of on time next weekend.
(I won’t give all the gory details about mine and Jims 2 year celebration 
)
Sundeh
As I said in my last blog, I am updating on Sundays =D
So a run through of this week.
Monday: This was my first weekday alone in the house, meaning /i had to wake myself and walk myself all the way to college. What a crock. Monday college is shite, longest day, full of nothing new (except the odd assignment) and so, a waste of time mostly. I spent lunch with Sophie and Leah, took Leah to go and get her emergency contraception, because she’s silly like that. We returned to college slightly late but the teacher doesn’t care, because it’s Key Skills (which actually translates into “pointless waste of time”). The ay dragged on and when i got home, I was on the internet until approximatley 00:30. Fag.
Tuesday: This is my day off from college, in which I have work experience at The Belmore Centre. This day was a 15:00-21:00 day. I got my eyesbrows waxed, it stung like a mother but the end results were great, and i will do this as a regular thing now =D So the day dragged a little bit, better than college though.
Wednesday: College was 12:30-15:30 body massage. Nice and relaxing I guess.I saw my homies at the Floyd afterwards, because that’s how much I love them. I got a bad samwich from Tescos aswell. Buh. This was now my 5th day home alone, and the house was gradually getting tidy. Again, sleepy time was around 01:00.
Thursday: College for 2 hours, then a 3 hour break then my late night. Another waste of time, as I was stuck in dispensary by myself with the slowest computer knownto mankind, and THEN to top off the whole night, the vending machine robbed me. I wanted those Mars Planets =(I stayed at Kims this night which made a nice change from the deafening silence of home.
Friday: Woke up, threw up, migraine, slept some more. Then I went to my house to find … MY CORSET ^^ win. Then, Jim and Mint arrived soon after me taking caffeine pills and dancing around the living room to Hairspray, as you do. We embarked ona mission to Tesco to purchase snacks and boozeums. Yurmm.Twa a good night of Family Guy and hugs.
Saturday: Work 09:00-17:45, awkward customers, not feeling wonderful, bought a smoothie that tastes like soap o.O, never again will I purchase Boots own brand. I bought new trousers and new pyjamas. YAY =D. I’m not allowing myself to spend anymore money, ever. then I was picked up by Jim, whisked back home to where my family hd arrived back earlier in the day and were very unhappy to see the mess. I tried ¬.¬ However seeing my littleGeniebaby again made it better =D I got dressed up and went for dinner with Jim and parents, to a lovely Indian restaurant, called … the place …. o.O, Tamarind (thank you Jim darling) and I ate a lovely meal, and had a lovely night, it was lovely. ^_^. We came back to Jims house and snugged the night away.
Sunday (Today): As Jim rightly just said,6 hour lie-in, (full of hugs’n'kinky). But waking up to a roast pork meal was dammmmn good. So far I’ve done nothing but sit down and eat and watch Surfs Up, which made me want some baby penguins tbh.
How thrilling was my week, gosh, I live life to the full don’t I?
Righty-o, off to see Sundays Secrets and snuggles with Jim.
See you next Sunday.
x
Planned?
so, I’m in college.
But after all my hard work, effort, emotions and headaches, what will I do next!?
Well, I’ll be applying for Londons Fashion college for Theatrical Makeup and design course.
And moving up to London (if I get in ^^) to llive with Jim whilst he’s at Imperial.
And our life will unravel further from there.
I love you all
xxx
mood swings =O
Ok, a little different from the previous title, but that’s what lifes about right? Changes. Before you run away scared, no it isn’t an omg my life is shit and everyhtings changing teenager blog. It’s a, I need to write this down for my own sake blog.
Thinking:
I’m exhausted. Problems EVERYWHERE. I wish, just once, I’d get a suprise gift or something to take my mind off everything. I wish my life turned out like the way I daydream. I always think that, “if this was a movie, he’d of done this by now, and she would’ve said this instead of that” but it never happens. I just wish people could think more like me or atleast more like the movies. I wish sometimes I didn’t have to hint people to say thank you or whatever. I wish I could stop wishing and just have things happen nicely.
It’s complicated, the same things go round and round in my head but if I keep repeating them, I’m sure to just dig myself a hole and stay in it for the rest of my life. I google things to see what other people have done in certain situations, and it always comes up with dream answer, but I know stuff like that wont happen, so again, I start wishing.
I just like to feel appreciated and loved, and it’s weird, I’m not a very materialistic person, but sometimes, objects are they way to make me feel like that. Sounds stupid I know, BELIEVE ME, I know.
Anyway, other than that I’m not htinking straight atall, my overactive imagination is making me think horrible things about intimate moments, and I can’t make it stop. >.<
Feeling:
Worthless, fat, ugly, annoying, complaining too much, ungrateful, pathetic.
That kinda thing.
It’s ridiculous being me sometimes. I just can’t stop WISHING >.<
Across The Sky
I seem to be titling these blogs with song names or lyrics =] Ah well.
Again I have a little rant about myself (just to be a selfish little bitch) but guys, seriously, I need a break. Everyone is disappearing on holidays and I’m sorry, but I think I fucking deserve one. I haven’t been on holiday since last year and I haven’t got a single out of aylesbury weekend/week/or two planned ever. Nothing planned this year, nothing planned next year. My parents have had … 1/2 holidays in Cornwall this year, they’re going again in August and then they are going some place in October. Which leaves me by myself once looknig after the dog and once (not so much to my dis-pleasure) hosting a party =D.
Andy is in Zimbabwe until the 30th. Dodge got back from Croatia today. Louise went to Wales, and most importantly to me, Jim is in Spain, and he will be again later this year also after moving to Cambridge.
Everyone is having a great time going on breaks and holidays, whilst I am stuck here with the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes and I WANT A BREAK!
I keep looking at weekend breaks away anywhere, they aren’t too pricey, but that just bringss up the fact that NOONE WILL EMPLOY ME! Which furthermore pisses me off royally.
So I beg of you, will anyone give me my well deserved break?
x
In light of sunny July.
It is July 
(for those who didn’t know), and I have been on many adventures ♥
I went to London on the 14th of July and went to Hyde Park for Londons biggest water fight, in which I got drenched and I’ve buggered up my arm by being the only one capapble of falling over as soon as it started =D.
The very same day I saw Wicked for the 2nd time, but this time with a different cast.
All was done in the company of Nick.
Before this date however I was royally screwed over by the Floyd on the night of the summer ball and came out of the whole photographizzle gig £100 richer, that is all.
On Friday I believe I have the almighty Emilie Autumn gig =D
Jim goes on his first holiday on Saturday, which sucks =( I’m gunna be bored off my face.
Any-hoo I have purchased the Sims University, and plan on pplaying that for the rest of the day, and by day I mean month.
xxxx
Now then,
Well, It’s been a while (these words are typed too much, I admit and apologise) but I thought I ought to just type =]
I went to Jims prom the other day, it was a heck of a lot of fun, and I looked alright ^^ always a bonus. I stayed at his house afterwards and then went to an alcobooze at Daves which was HILLARIOUS. My first ever game of Ring Of Fire, and hopefully not my last.
I’m well into my GCSEs at the moment, having already completed 6. Which went okay but I don’t have the highest hopes. Ah well, they’ll be over on the 15th.
The end of June is proving to be fun-packed and I can guarentee I will be KNACKERED in July =D.
22nd- Jims friends party . 23rd-I’m sure somethings happening here. 26th-Louise and Giles bendover woods do. 28th- Floyd 6th form thing. 29th – Prom. 30th- Tentopolis =D.
My liver is going to hate me =D.
Anyway, I do have one declaration to make, I love Jim, he’s like the best, he pwns you all and I love him more than he loves me. =D
bored now.
laters =]
xxx
*Dramatic Sigh*
Okay, it’s time for a rant, I do not know how long this rant will be or where it may lead, I just know that there is something building up inside of me that needs to get out now before I take it out on even more people that I love.
Let’s make a start before it’s too late.
Item One
The typical teenage rant on how they feel. Here I go again.
I’ve currently missed Jim for God only knows how long. I haven’t been able to sleep and this has subsequently made me ill. I have been ill and therefore a little unhappy. I have been working my but off for 2 weeks, some of may not believe this, but yeah, my butt has been in gear. Two drama rehearsals which have driven me up the wall and round the equator added to my bad mood. Some of us put in time and effort to get these things right after making exceptions for others, the others let you down and are too up themselves to work as hard as they can.
Because I’ve been working hard whilst I’m ill, I thought it might be nice for someone to take care of me or acknowledge the fact that I’ve worked that hard and say well done. (No, I am not fishing for praise, so please, don’t feel obliged). So I invited Jim round today. (here comes the bitchy part for which I apologise in advance) I asked him to text his mum and ask before he got home because he had lost his drivers liscence and debit card and I thought he’d have moer of a chance coming over if they didn’t know that. But he asked them during dinner after his dad had gotten in a stress about the lost cards and I had been waiting for an answer all day, my mum invited him to stay over o the condition I changed my bed, cleared the rubbish, helped put up the shelves and looked after the puppy for a while. All of which i did whilst awaiting an answer. And the answer was that he couldn’t. (Told you this was bitch y and I’m sorry, but I am NOT in the mood).
So I now feel let down very upset, very ill, very angry, very fucking pissed off because being let down is what my dad does to me. And that’s why me and my dad don’t have a fantastic relashonship and I don’t want mine and Jims relashonship to go that way.
I know it’s not his fault. but good god.
Good god.
So anyway, in traditional Caley terms or mannerisms or whatever it’s called (I’ve forgotten the word) I feel as if no one cares eough to jeapordise a small thing to come and take care of me, thats all I’m asking for, some one to take care of me, I’ve needed it all week, and I haven’t got it. Theres one more thing I’d love to say on here but I am not going to because it would hurt some feelings.
pretty much.
Starlight.
yes, I am bored. So I wanted to just , write. I miss Jim. I want to see him now, so I can walk down to watermead with him, buy a drink and sit at the waterfront with my camera.
It would be perfect.
So … fucking …
perfect.
That’s what he is.
